I Woke Up and Couldn’t Pretend Anymore: How Awakening Exposes What’s Out of Alignment

In February of 2011, something irreversible happened to me.

After years of living inside a high-control religious structure (LDS), years of enduring a marriage that was quietly disempowering and emotionally manipulative, and years of questioning my own inner voice, I experienced what I now know was a Kundalini awakening.

I didn’t have language for it at the time. All I knew was that something ancient had been stirred. Since 2007, there had been this one particular man whose presence lit something electric inside me—something ancient, something that wouldn’t shut off.

Then came the dreams that burned through veils. The ability to feel other people’s pain in my body. The spontaneous past life memories during meditation. The way my heart would burn like it was being rewired by fire.

I couldn’t explain it.

But I also couldn’t pretend anymore.

When the False Reality Starts Cracking

A true awakening doesn’t arrive with a soft whisper. It tears down the walls you built around yourself and says: Look. Now.

And what I saw wasn’t pretty. My life had been built around roles, masks, and obligations that had nothing to do with truth. It looked stable on the outside. Inside, it was killing my soul.

Soon after, my marriage shattered. My religion no longer made sense. My identity began to fall apart. And it wasn’t just emotional—it was physical. My body unraveled, releasing trauma I hadn’t even known was stored there. Childhood wounds I had buried came roaring back to the surface.

I left my narcissistic ex for good in May of 2012. And almost immediately, my body collapsed. My nervous system finally broke under the decades of weight it had carried.

But in that wreckage… I started to reclaim myself.

Awakening Doesn’t Destroy You. It Dismantles What Isn’t You.

In June of 2025—over a decade later—I had what I now understand as a monadic soul merge. I wasn't seeking it. It wasn’t an escape. It didn’t ask me to float above life. It asked me to land.

To come home to my center.

To stop orbiting around what drained me—jobs, people, narratives that demanded I shrink in order to be palatable.

And once again, the old began to collapse.

I quit a job that had been energetically attacking my body. I ended toxic patterns in my business. I stopped explaining my awakening to people who didn’t want to understand. I stopped pretending I could carry what wasn’t mine.

Because awakening doesn’t give you permission to escape life.

It demands you live it aligned.

Awakening Isn’t an Escape. It’s a Realignment.

When you truly wake up, your tolerance for misalignment vanishes. The job, the relationship, the self-image you once maintained out of habit or fear—they no longer hold.

You can’t unknow what you know.

You can’t re-bury what’s been resurrected.

And pretending? Eventually, it costs more than letting go.

What Real Alignment Feels Like Now

Today, my work feels supportive and neutral—just enough to ground me while I build the work I was always meant to do. My energy healing and teaching are returning, but not like before. Now they’re monad-led. Truth-led. Clarity-led.

My monadic twin flame union process has softened. There’s no ache, no spiral, no urgency. Just quiet awareness. Just presence.

And when something feels out of alignment, I don’t override it anymore. I don’t push through it.

I listen.

Because that’s the real gift of awakening: it teaches you to trust your soul’s voice over anything else.

And once you hear it clearly, your life has to follow.

Pretending was never protection.

It was just the pause before truth got louder.

Now?

I let it be loud.

And I let it lead.

Take this with you:If your life is cracking open, it’s not a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough. It means your soul is ready to stop pretending. Ready to return to alignment. Ready to lead.

You don’t need all the answers.

You just need to stop saying yes to what your body, your energy, your truth is already saying no to.

That’s where the real awakening begins.